Avant Car Guard

The Centre vs. Perophery Ultimate Cage Fight
Acrylic on canvas, 2000 x 1500 mm, 2009

AVANT CAR GUARD construct a subtle metaphor for the... aah... Fuck it.
Acrylic on canvas, 2000 x 1500 mm, 2009

Because You're Worth It
Acrylic on canvas, 2000 x 1500 mm, 2009

The Bitch Who Saw Tomorrow
Acrylic on canvas, 2000 x 1500 mm, 2009

AVANT CAR GUARD are ZANDER BLOM, JAN-HENRI BOOYENS and MICHAEL MACGARRY- a three member visual art collective from Johannesburg, exhibiting and authoring as a singular artist.

For their solo exhibition at Brodie/Stevenson (during June and July of this year) , they presented editioned prints, large-scale paintings, sculptures, video and installation.

and this is what you REALLY need to know about AVANT CAR GUARD:

• The First rule of AVANT CAR GUARD is: you do not talk about AVANT CAR GUARD.
  
• Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the good side, the dark side, and AVANT CAR GUARD.
• AVANT CAR GUARD is Luke Skywalker's real father.
• AVANT CAR GUARD eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
• AVANT CAR GUARD sleeps with a pillow under their gun.
• AVANT CAR GUARD has never blinked in their entire life. Never.
  
• When AVANT CAR GUARD crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
• AVANT CAR GUARD's tears cure cancer. Too bad they’ve never cried.
• AVANT CAR GUARD drinks napalm to quell their heartburn.
  
• If you want a list of AVANT CAR GUARD's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
  
• There is no theory of evolution; just a list of creatures AVANT CAR GUARD allows to live.
• The Bible was originally titled "AVANT CAR GUARD and Friends"
• AVANT CAR GUARD can judge a book by its cover.
• AVANT CAR GUARD doesn't read books. They stare them down until they get the information they want.
• AVANT CAR GUARD doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
• AVANT CAR GUARD does not use spell check. If they happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
• AVANT CAR GUARD owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped them win the 1983 world series of poker despite them holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.
  
• When AVANT CAR GUARD was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, they roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
• AVANT CAR GUARD is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like AVANT CAR GUARD.
• AVANT CAR GUARD uses ribbed condoms inside out, so they gets the pleasure.
• AVANT CAR GUARD only masturbates to pictures of AVANT CAR GUARD.
• AVANT CAR GUARD lost their virginity before their Dad did.
• AVANT CAR GUARD doesn't say, "who's your daddy", because they knows the answer.
• AVANT CAR GUARD can divide by zero.
• On the 7th day, God rested.... and AVANT CAR GUARD took over.